I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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