One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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