I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
