plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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