My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
