the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
