why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
