It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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