The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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