I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
