hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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