Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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