Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
