Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
