She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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