i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
