I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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