I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
