you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
