If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
