My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
