im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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