Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
two words...techno handjob
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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