wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
