I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
