I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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