The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
