I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
