The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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