I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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