We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think I sprained my soul last night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
