4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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