I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
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