Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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