lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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