he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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