Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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