The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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