I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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