hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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