I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
