I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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