I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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