David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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