I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
