I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
