I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
