The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
