I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
