Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
