I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
