goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
