i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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