I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
