I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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