I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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