haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
