and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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