Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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