I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so let's talk penis.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
