someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
