I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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