Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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